i'm feeling. there is no blank to fill.

sticks and stones may break my bones but your traces expose your stupidity.
things happen for a reason. the reason for my latest misfortune is to remind me that the past is over. the beats of this heart have changed; why not the drummer's rhythm as well?

to be eloquent is to walk on egg shells. i have seen a small percentage of the world, but these eyes do not thirst. i've seen your entire world, and i wish i had known about yours. i am feeling ignorant but angry. there are bigger fish to fry, and if i were graced with immunity tomorrow, the media would eat me alive regardless. you sell your soul when you approve that story. i am not signing anything without reading the fine print.

i wish i knew what to do.
i wish i were as big and bad as you think i am.
i wish that when people say that it's a small world, that it really was.
i would drink the entire ocean, if it meant i could find you curled up next to me.
i wish i were unbiased.

i've been in the bat cave. skeletons i have kept locked up have come out before halloween. the day of the dead and the night of the living. the awakening of letting it all go. one wandering village idiot ruins the fun for everyone. not even family are allowed a taste of this medicine.

i have been working the old fashioned way, because before the virtual highways and wired connections, security was far easier to reach. legal attainment of my occupation will be available soon. in the meantime, enjoy my past. it's all you've got of me.

it takes one leak to allow for thousands of opinions, but it takes years of positive work to change minds. let the games begin.

binary solo:
01101000011001010110000101110010011101000110000101100011011010000110010100100000011000010111001101110100011010000110110101100001001000000110100101110011001000000111010001101000011001010010000001100010011001010111001101110100001000000110010001100101011100110110001101110010011010010111000001110100011010010110111101101110001000000110100100100000011000110110111101110101011011000110010000100000011000110110111101101101011001010010000001110101011100000010000001110111011010010111010001101000001000000110111001101111011101110010111000100000011010010010000001100001011011010010000001101001011011100010000001111001011011110111010101110010001000000111010001101001011011010110010100100000011110100110111101101110011001010010110000100000011000010110111001100100001000000110100100100000011010000110000101110110011001010010000001100010011001010110010101101110001000000110011001101111011100100010000001100100011000010111100101110011001011100010000001110100011010000110010101110011011001010010000001100010011100100110010101100001011101000110100001110011001000000110000101110010011001010010000001100110011010010110110001101100011001010110010000100000011101110110100101110100011010000010000001110011011010000111001001100001011100000110111001100101011011000010000001110011011010010110011101101000011100110010110000100000011001100111010101100101011011000110100101101110011001110010000001101101011110010010000001100100011001010111001101101001011100100110010100100000011101000110111100100000011001010110111001100100001000000110110101111001001000000110000101101001011100100111000001101100011000010110111001100101001000000110001001101111011110010110001101101111011101000111010000101110001000000110100101101110011100110110111101101101011011100110100101100001001000000110100101110011001000000110111101110101011101000010000001101111011001100010000001110100011010000110010100100000011100010111010101100101011100110111010001101001011011110110111000100000011011100110111101110111011000010110010001100001011110010111001100101100001000000110100101101110001000000110011001100001011000110111010000100000011010010010000001100001011000110110100001100101001000000110011001101111011100100010000001110100011010000110111101110011011001010010000001101101011011110110110101100101011011100111010001110011001000000111011101101000011001010111001001100101001000000110100100100000011000110110000101101110001000000110001101101100011011110111001101100101001000000110110101111001001000000110010101111001011001010111001100100000011000010110111001100100001000000111001101100101011001010010000001111001011011110111010100100000011001100110111101110010001000000110100001101111011101010111001001110011001011100010000001101001011011010110000101100111011010010110111001100001011101000110100101101111011011100010000001101001011100110010000001101111011011100110110001111001001000000111000001100001011010010110111001100110011101010110110000100000011101110110100001100101011011100010000001111001011011110111010100100000011010000110000101110110011001010010000001101100011011110111001101110100001000000110000101101100011011000010000001101000011011110111000001100101001011100010000001111001011011110111010100100000011000010111001001100101001000000110110101111001001000000110110001100101011100110111001101101111011011100010000001101111011011100010000001101000011011110111000001100101001011100010000001101101011110010010000001101100011001010111001101110011011011110110111000100000011011110110111000100000011101000110100001101001011011100110011101110011001000000110000101110010011001010010000001101110011001010111011001100101011100100010000001110111011010000110000101110100001000000111010001101000011001010111100100100000011100110110010101100101011011010010111000001101000010100000110100001010011110010110111101110101001000000110000101110010011001010010000001101100011010010111011001101001011011100110011100100000011100000111001001101111011011110110011000100000011101000110100001100001011101000010000001100100011010010111001101101110011001010111100100100000011000110110000101101110001000000110010101111000011010010111001101110100001011100010000001111001011011110111010100100000011000010111001001100101001000000110110101111001001000000110110101101111011100100110111001101001011011100110011100100000011000100110100101110010011001000010111000100000011101000110100001101001011100110010000001101000011000010111010000100000011011100110111100100000011011000110111101101110011001110110010101110010001000000110110101100101011011000111010001110011001000000110100101101110001000000111010001101000011001010010000001110111011000010111100100100000011010010111010000100000011101010111001101100101011001000010000001110100011011110010111000100000011010010111010000100000011011010110010101101100011101000111001100101100001000000110010101110110011000010111000001101111011100100110000101110100011001010111001100101100001000000111000001101111011101010111001001110011001011000010000001100001011011100110010000100000011100100110010101110011011101000110111101110010011001010111001100101110001000000110100100100000011000010110110100100000011011100110111100100000011100110110001101101001011001010110111001100011011001010010000001101101011000010110101001101111011100100010000001100010011101010111010000100000011000110110000101101100011000110111010101101100011000010111010001101001011011110110111001110011001000000111001101101000011011110111011100100000011101000110100001100001011101000010000001101001001000000110000101101101001000000110100101101110001000000110110001101111011101100110010100101110

a thousand eyes in anticipation.

it is difficult to write when uninvited, superficial and aritificial eyes stare back without a blink. there is no blinking, as these eyes are clear and cold, piercing through with the aid of shoulders carrying them around. why would anyone wish to strip even further in vulnerability when their clothes have been removed for them? these contractural hands have not risen yet today, so I make a voluntary appearance here to be stripped bare.

this is okay, though. the peering shoulder feeling merely feels like a heavy jacket in the canadian weather after a few days. I hope for appropriate editing, however I know my sister will enjoy approval of the things I will think back and find ridiculous. all in good fun. that is all these past few weeks have been.

the past few days have been better. the storm has finally cleared, and the light rain went straight to a promising rainbow. heavy shoulders from a thousand eyes, but next to amazing women it means that I have the capability to be blind. all I see are the things that kep me going, and that is all I really need to see.

work returns in a foreign country. company that is well received, and I am excited to hear from the artificial blond who always makes me play her something new with each meeting. it is my turn to be the insistant. you do not know what you are missing.

with the clear skies in my side, it means that the clouds float on to other regions. may they clear soon. the weatherman has never been the best for preditions, so I will not turn on the television. I will merely cross fingers and love my family.

I am clearly rusty on this thing, and I need to return to my own scheduled programming. however this vacation has been rather sweet and I do not mind holding off more. those who are waiting to assist my music say otherwise, but I'm working on it. it will all fall in place. if I have learned anything these past couple of months, its that things always fall into place. the time and convenience is never relevant.

there is difficulty in pouring my heart out when there is little to bleed.
fingers work harder when the sutures become puppet strings controlled by the brain.

this soul is restored. it is easy for time to fly when the stomach floats with each second. suspension at its finest. words that surround me in a golden shield and assure me that it will all be okay. these shields come in many forms, and I am lucky to have them in three. the best things come in threes. you, you, and you are no exception.

vacations separated by phases. phase one is coming to a close, and although this heart will stretch for miles, it will find comfort in another part of this organ. I never knew how many sizes it could grow, and it is as if the grinch has shared his knowledge with myself. his heart may have grown three sizes that day, but mine grows this number every day.

from freckles traced under those eyes to the toes that remind me I am alive.

from nicknames I thought I had lost to the tugs of hugs that will be restored. we may be under surveilence when I arrive, but uninvited eyes will not keep me from showing you how much I have missed you. I am grateful that I am still a part of this life, and I do not know how I will be able to show you so.

from evidence of looking up to your elders to the mornings that make me grateful I am that elder. I am taking you out of that shell for fresh air, because you are not a turtle. it is not attached to your body, and you will discover you just needed a push.

there are no complaints from these eyes. they are clear in mind and full in the soul. the songs that can sperad through these lungs can call celebration for days.

I will miss you, but it only means that I will see you again.

wow.

never have i ever been spelled out so clearly how little i meant to you.
there is absolutely no way you can tell me otherwise.
substances fill us with a substance in words that wouldn't be there in a sober state.
now i know what you really meant when you said you missed me.
it meant you missed treating me like shit.

last time i sat here with words, i said there was no need to apologize. i am bitter, hurt, pissed off, and tired right now, so here are some apologies that arise from this.

i'm sorry i care.
i'm sorry i love you.
i'm sorry i worry.
i'm sorry i gave you advice.
i'm sorry i was always there for you.
i'm sorry i had a fit when i realized you were growing up to soon.
i'm sorry i got angry every time you indicated you were on your own.
i'm sorry i wanted to be there for you every step of the way.
i'm sorry mum told me to go to school.

but most of all? i'm sorry that none of it ever meant a thing to you.

i never thought i'd see this day, but here it is. fuck you. how dare you tell me how i feel, when you have not lived a second of my life.

timeless suspension.

just because i have been catching up on my sleep does not indicate things forgotten.
it just means i needed a change of scenery.
a life of consistency calls for fresh air.
the air is stale when you never leave your comfort zone.
uncomfortable, but breathing.

a wave of hope has begun to dry out.
these bones are hollowed out without the chirping of the morning bird.
no more critics to tell me it will be okay.
no more reminders that what i am doing is the proper track.
i have ached for more words from you.
i deserve everything i get. you don't deserve how you feel.
i wake up with my hand to my nose, wishing i had a scar to your memory.
at the same time, i don't want a memory.
memories mean something is gone.
you will never be gone to me.

as for apologies:
there is no need to apologize for not agreeing with others, for not being perfect (because no one is), and for feeling. furthermore, there is no need to apologize for the past. i do, however, feel like i need to say i'm sorry, and those who know know why. i love you, and you, and the rest of the lot. i wish i could make everything right. in life there is no right or wrong, though. it takes years to figure that out.

a break from the world has been in order.
doctor's orders. that is, if the doctor was one of the several personalities in my mind.

i am your best kept secret. the words that slip my lips become a part of it when you let the speakers do the talking. i've got a lot to say with little desire to tell the world.

i gave up on sentence structure, and paragraphs are over. essays are for university. capitalization for grades and clients. i have verbal discharge - these words slip through without warning. i have been so accustomed to keeping my mouth shut, though, that all that comes out are clouds and fogs of what you think you know.



it's time for the segment called 'clear talk with august laine':

1. the potential labels who have considered working with me to release my record are not thrilled with my disappearing act. if all else fails, i will release an ep independently.

2. i apologize to the soundwave fans for having to be delayed for what you don't know is coming. it will be worth it though, i promise.

3. there is no three. i am not that important. but i wanted to make this segment longer.

final thoughts: these waves that fill me leave me swimming for days. may they never end, nor leave me seasick.